I went to a bookstore the other day. I asked the woman behind the counter where the self-help section was. She said "If I told you, that would defeat the whole purpose."

I got something in the mail today that said "this is not a bill."  I opened it up, it said, "that was the envelope, this is the bill."

When I was a kid I used to play doctor with this little girl in my neighborhood and one time we got caught.  Luckily, it was a Wednesday and we were just playing golf.

My Dad's allergic to cotton.  He has pills he can take but he can't get them out of the bottle.

I did some research and it turns out, I'm super Irish.  Even my blood type is O apostrophe.

We picked out old-fashioned names for our kids.  Our little boy is Hunter and our little girl is Gatherer.